St. Paul directs Christians to share both another person’s joy and another person’s tears (Romans 12:9–15). The command addresses those standing beside someone who suffers. It does not require them to explain why the loss happened. It asks them to share the person’s sorrow within a life of love, patience and prayer.
St. Gregory of Nyssa recounts such a family loss in his Life of Macrina. After the sudden death of their brother Naucratius, their mother was overcome by grief. Gregory describes Macrina as “the prop of her mother’s weakness.” He also says that Macrina was herself suffering the loss of a beloved brother. The support he praises comes from someone who shares the bereavement, rather than someone untouched by it (pp. 31–33; PG 46, 968D–970B).
Gregory’s account is an ascetic portrait, and its surrounding rhetoric praises restraint in mourning in terms that can sound severe; Basil’s letters to Nectarius and his wife use similar language, even holding up the Maccabean mother as one who shed no unworthy tear (Letter 6, §2). It should not become a rule that a faithful mother must never cry. Jesus weeps in John 11:25–35, and Orthodox teaching on death explicitly includes Christian mourning. We receive Gregory’s witness to Macrina’s support within that wider scriptural and ecclesial context (Life of Macrina, pp. 32–33).
St. Basil offers another example in a letter to Nectarius after the death of his son. He begins with his own distress and says, “I need not tell you how I sighed and wept.” He recalls their longstanding friendship and the sharing of joys and sorrows (Letter 5, §1). The son in this account had reached manhood; the letter is not an account of an infant’s death.
Basil also writes to the bereaved mother. He hesitates over the timing of consolation, recognizing that words brought too soon may aggravate sorrow. At the close, he asks God to comfort her heart (Letter 6, §§1–2). These details teach us to read pastoral consolation as care offered to a particular person, with attention to her pain. They do not establish a fixed time at which every mourner must be ready for counsel.
Basil’s letter to Nectarius holds out resurrection hope (Letter 5, §2). St. Paul’s own counsel is to comfort one another through the hope grounded in Christ’s death, resurrection and coming (1 Thessalonians 4:13–18). He distinguishes Christian sorrow from sorrow without hope. John’s account of Christ’s tears prevents us from turning that distinction into an accusation against someone who is still weeping (John 11:25–35).
The response is modest and demanding: share the sorrow, offer the support you can give, and pray for the person’s comfort. Do not add a deadline for recovery or claim to know why this child died. Macrina’s steady support, Basil’s tears and his concern about timing remain particular examples. Paul’s command to bear one another’s burdens gives the scriptural comparison for the help they describe (St. Gregory of Nyssa, Life of Macrina; St. Basil, Letter 5 to Nectarius; St. Basil, Letter 6 to the wife of Nectarius; Galatians 6:2).
For prayer, use the Lord’s Prayer that Christ gives in Matthew 6:9–13.
Sources and edition notes
- St. Gregory of Nyssa, Life of Macrina. W. K. Lowther Clarke, SPCK (1916), pp. 31–33; PG 46, 968D–970B. Printed p. 32.
- OCA, Venerable Macrina. Orthodox commemoration
- OCA, Death. Eastern Orthodox teaching on mourning and resurrection
- OCA, The Fathers. Eastern Orthodox source interpretation
- St. Basil, Letter 5 to Nectarius. Blomfield Jackson, NPNF, second series, vol. 8 (1895), pp. 113–114. Printed p. 113.
- St. Basil, Letter 6 to the wife of Nectarius. Blomfield Jackson, NPNF, second series, vol. 8 (1895), pp. 114–115.
New Testament references were checked in NKJV. Scripture is referenced and paraphrased; no verbatim Bible excerpt is supplied.